Sing me a song about ray guns and rocket ships, Bright starry futures and alternate pasts. Sing me a song about heroes undaunted, Death that's defeated and true love that lasts. Sing me a song about wizards and wanderers, Dragons and unicorns, all of their ilk. Sing me a song now that fills me with wonder. That's the whole reason I came to the filk. He was a farm boy with eyes full of wonder And a far away look on his face. Constantly dreaming of going out yonder And riding a ship into space. He stowed away on an Antares freighter. They took him as one of the crew. He's back as the Captain now twenty years later And telling his stories to you. (Chorus) Strangeness surrounded her, real life confounded her. The villagers sent her away. Power misunderstood still could be used for good, The teacher she found came to say. "Uncontrolled magic's a terrible burden, But magic once tamed is a boon." Now she's respected, a witch of her word and Dancing beneath a full moon. (Chorus) Searching for something that once had existed, The tinkerer builds his machine. Traversing the time stream, his feelings insisted The lady was not just a dream. Lost in a time ripple, she was his future And he was just part of her past. Mending reality, sewing the suture, And drawing her homeward at last. (Chorus twice)

When I was a child, I'd say just turned six, And first numbered reading among my few tricks, My father presented a treasure to me: A buff piece of paper, two inches by three. He called it a passport to worlds new and far, And thus I acquired my library card. With Flyball I flew and with Frodo I traveled. Phileas Phogg and I sailed a balloon. With Christopher Robin I've been up the hillside. With Christopher Godfrey I've been to the moon. A plain red brick building that once housed a store. Oak tables, gray shelving, but oh, so much more. Grand castles, deep oceans, strange cities, far stars, Great journeys, great triumphs, and terrible wars. Munchkins, and Martians, and mermaids, and mice; The creatures of fiction were my teachers of life. Kip, Peewee, and I learned the value of teamwork. A runaway robot proved learning was fun. Meg Murray and I learned of love and believing. Believe that you're winning, the game is half won. So now I'm an adult, my dull grown-up head Finds colors and flavors in the real world instead. I go back to my old books each now and again To see the old places and visit old friends. I can deal with this world with the crises and cranks, But I still want to stop by, wave hi, and say thanks. Dorothy and I'll find that we aren't in Kansas. With Alice, I'll walk through the looking-glass wall. Sometimes I go back there. I still find a welcome. Perhaps I'm not all that grown-up after all.

I have this little problem, though it's secretly my pride. I'm a product of my culture and there's nowhere I can hide. I remember bits and pieces that I'd just as soon forget Like the number that you have to call to buy a Chia Pet. 588-2300, Empire. No, that's carpet, not Chia Pet. Close. I've got Brain Sludge, it just keeps accumulating. I've got Brain Sludge and it's overdue for draining. I've got Brain Sludge – fills me up to my capacity. I don't know where it comes from but I'll vouch for its veracity! I know all of Santa's reindeer, all the Dwarves and all the Bradys. I can list the seven deadly sins and all the rings of Hades. I can name the third assistant grip on all the Star Wars flicks And tell you how that Silly Rabbit finally got his Trix. They took a vote. You got to call in and say whether they should let him have it. Yeah. Some days you get the Trix, some days you kill Jason Todd. Comics again? Hey, why not? I've got Brain Sludge and I think it's overrated. I've got Brain Sludge, my gray matter's saturated. I've got Brain Sludge and now even on a dry day My head is full of runoff from the Information Highway. I know Superman's from Krypton. Bruce Wayne's parents were gunned down. And I know that Larry Harmon was the first Bozo the Clown. Dr. Reinstein was Doc Erskine, Dr. Doom was just plain bad. And I swear the strangest Legionnaire was Matter-Eater Lad. The guy could eat anything. Wood, stone, steel – I had a dog like that. Once he ate a nylon stocking. It came out whole. I've got Brain Sludge and there's no way to forget it. I've got Brain Sludge, don't know how to uncommit it. I've got Brain Sludge and although I'd rather trash it, I need a mental storage locker for the space to stash it. I know Barlennen was a Mesklinite and Brennan was a Pak. And Terminus could never stand against the Mule's attack. I know who platted twishers and who swam the Egger Route And just what slogan Kip sent in to win that old space suit. Yeah? I use Skyway soap because it is as pure at the sky itself. 99 and 44/100 percent pure? Not in L.A. I've got Brain Sludge, all this trivia I've mastered. I've got Brain Sludge, I'm a cultural disaster. I've got Brain Sludge, now it's totally systemic. Just take a look around, you'll find we've got an epidemic. Yeah! We've got Brain Sludge, I think somebody should ban it. We've got Brain Sludge, now it's got the whole damn planet. We've got Brain Sludge, we've just got to realize our Heads are all stuffed full of useless mental fertilizer. Maybe something will grow in it. The area of a circle is pi r squared. That's your brain. The approximate value of pi is 3.1415926535 – except in Indiana, where it's three. That's your brain on sludge! Any questions?

In winter-white forest they're dancing again. They float and they leap in the arms of the wind And in her cold breath see them starting to spin. In bitter-cold winter watch magic begin. The icicles ring with a crystalline tone And a music that you've never known. Deep in the forest, the ice fairies dance all alone. All alone. The sunlight in winter is bitter and cold And the snow on the ground has the chance to grow old And give birth to fairies who dance in the air. Look sharp in the forest, you'll see they are there. They dance and they twirl round the trunks of the trees. They stay deep in hiding so nobody sees That fairies still dance in a world that mankind calls its own. All alone. They dance through the winter on ice-crystal wings, Their magic preserving the promise of spring. Walk soft through the forest some cold winter day And be very still – you'll catch fairies at play. They dance to the music of crystalline sound As the sunlight reflects off the snow-covered ground. They'll dance through the winter until the spring thaw, But though they are gone, you'll still know what you saw. That magic survives, it's alive, and it thrives on its own. All alone. All alone. All alone.

(Chorus) Make a joyful noise, find your song. Count out the measures, short or long Follow notes along the staff, Eighth and quarter, whole and half. Hold up your head and laugh And make a joyful noise Music paints pictures in watercolor hues: A river's course, a city's pulse, a dancer's crimson shoes. Fairy castle images, translucent in the air Close your eyes and see it as the music takes you there. Music without words has its story to embrace: Enchanted brooms, a pesky wolf, a satellite in space. Melodies that rise and fall, a tale that's taking wing! And when the music comes to rest we'll know just why we sing. Music is a language everyone can share. One soul can touch another if we only choose to dare. Let’s make a song together with hand and heart and voice And raise the chorus higher as we make a joyful noise. (Final chorus and repeat last two lines) Hold up your head and laugh And make a joyful noise.

(Chorus) Come and hit the beat, Tapping out binary feet, Striking moon and sun until the message is complete. Now emerging from the sand, Satisfying your demand, Is the object you requested rising up at your command. It could be something that you know or something you have never seen. You can get most everything from the anything machine. We’re stuck upon this planet that no other human knows. It’s the sort of thing that happens when your warp drive shifts and blows. Our colony is trapped here with no rescue to be seen And the only way we can survive is with the anything machine. The anything machines are just a simple pair of drums And a pool of sand in front of them from which the object comes. Two hundred fifty-six times you must strike upon the skins. Your message is completed and that’s when the fun begins. (Chorus) Strike upon the moon and you will always get a knife. Strike upon the sun and get a rope that just might save your life. A ball of pure titanium, a penguin statue with a grin, Anything you might desire is indexed deep within. Now we’re living here in synergy, one short step from infinity. We could have anything we want if we only knew the key. But locked somewhere in entropy’s the message that could set us free. We’re seeking out the symmetry and a home we’ll never see. (Chorus twice) Yes, you can get most everything from the anything machine. From the anything machine. From the anything machine.

I have loved you for too many years. I have seen your face through too many tears. I have loved you in the good times and the bad -- Never regretted all the moments that we've had. I knew the day I met you that someday you would go To ride upon a starship to the sky. But a starship is a large ship and the building time is slow And loving never asks the reason why. Such an odd couple -- a woman bound for space And a broken-down guitarist with pain etched in his face. Was it pain that brought you to me? It was love that made you stay, And I wouldn't have it any other way. (Chorus) The years passed by so quickly as the starship slowly grew -- A tiny point of light low in the sky. You knew there'd be no place for me there in a starship's crew. You'd turn your face away and start to cry. Nothing fair about it, and I cannot bid you stay. The pain I see within you is the pain you took away. I kiss your tears so gently, for I love you more each day, And I wouldn't have it any other way. (Chorus) I knew the day I met you that the stars had called your name, A call that I would not have you deny. Though you are departing, I will love you just the same. Follow your dream into the sky. I have loved you dearly, and your love has made me strong, So let us heal each other and new love will come along. Mine will find me here on Terra; yours out in the Milky Way, And I wouldn't have it any other way. No, I wouldn't have it any other way.

(Chorus) I'm running down the stars. I'm riding on the foam. Distance is the bars That are keeping me from home. I've been away too long And I don't know what to do, But I know it can't be wrong If it brings me home to you. I'm pushing past the speed of light. I'm breaking all the laws And when I push that throttle right, I've got effect before the cause. My life is quite improbable. It had to be with you. Equations might be solvable And if they are, I'm coming through. I'm cruising on the energy Drawn from the quantum field, Abusing every synergy To break the laws and crank the yield. Divide the sum by zero And fly without a net. I don't need to be a hero, Just a gambler who can win a bet. (Bridge) In the constants of creation, there are answers to be found. If no one hears me vanish, would I go without a sound? If the clock upon the ship should say that I am running late Would I say that I am here or there or indeterminably state I'm looking for solutions To equations quite complex, But I've got no resolutions Where imaginaries twist and vex. They might tell you that I'm lost. I know that it's not true. I only need to pay the cost To find the root that leads to you. (Chorus twice) Yes, I know it can't be wrong If it brings me home to you.

When I was young, I used to want a man who'd write me songs: Tender and romantic, that I could sing along. But now I'm old and married and the songs he writes for me Are not the sort of songs I'd hoped they'd be. ‘Cause this mouse is a very, very, very dead mouse. The cat found it in the yard, But now it's stiff and hard. I think he brought it as a gift for you. (Chorus) My husband is a filker and he's always writing songs. The subject's inappropriate – the tunes just don't belong. He tries to be romantic and I know his love is true, But stealing tunes is just what filkers do. If you or I should get a bit of tune trapped in our mind, We'd hum it ‘round the office and soon leave it behind. But lodge that same romantic tune in filker's fertile brain And the feeling soon goes running down the drain. Honey, the toilet's plugged; it's running over. There was a plunger here, now it's a rover – Where's the plunger? A guy like me could never find The thing I need standing near me. Water runs cross the floor; I stand there clueless While there behind the door, the perfect tool is – There's the plunger! (Chorus) It wouldn't be so bad, except there's music everywhere – In stores, and malls, and restaurants, a tune is in the air. We're sitting down at Denny's; the Musak plays a song. He smiles, looks up, and gently sings along. They're a little bit runny, imperfectly fried. The whites are well-done, but the yolk's sunny side Stares up from the plate like two soft yellow eyes. You think they look fine, but you're being unwise. And you can tell everybody, this is your life, But a loving husband should take care of his wife And OSHA told me, yes, OSHA told me That they wrote in their book: You'll get salmonella from eggs undercooked. (Chorus) I guess I'm going to have to steal one too. Well, you know I think you're great And I love to be near you. But there's a habit that you've just got to break, At least where I can hear. I love everything about you except the tunes that you corrupt, So if you really love me, you'll shut up. (Variant chorus) I guess that we're both filkers, ‘cause we're always writing songs. The subject's inappropriate – the tunes just don't belong. We try to be romantic and I know our love is true, But stealing tunes is just what filkers do. I guess I'm glad that she's a filker too.

Teenage Popsicle Girl floating in space, You looked so much better before you decompressed your face. The tears you were cryin' are frozen forever more. I thought you were lyin' when you said you were walkin' out that door. Teenage Popsicle Girl, now I'm so blue. I see by your color that you are too. Yes, I was foolish, but how could I know You wouldn't wait for the shuttle when I said it was time for you to go? (spoken) It was just a teen-age quarrel, a silly lovers' spat. But then I heard the airlock's hiss, and knew that you weren't coming back. Teenage Popsicle Girl, I'd bring you inside, But what would it matter, now that you're freeze-dried? I'll leave you in orbit, beneath the stars above. Although you're frigid now, you'll always be my one true love. Teenage Popsicle Girl, Teenage Popsicle Girl, Teenage Popsicle Girl.

A single word is lonely as it’s hanging in the air. We may not know who said it – we don’t know why it’s there. Let’s add the words together, ‘cause that’s what you’ve come to teach, Then learn to write the language down and multiply our reach. (Chorus) Six plus four makes ten. Word plus word makes speech. Noun plus verb makes a command and then Add the words together, like the numbers on a line, And you’re building up a story running down the storyline. Noun plus verb’s a sentence, but a sentence that is spare. Let’s add a line of adverbs running swiftly through the air. Adjectives together paint a picture we can see. The subject is a pronoun standing in for you and me. (Bridge) When we write what we think, when we write what we feel, We can share, we can care, we can hope, we can heal. Each of us has stories that we have the need to tell. Tell me yours, I’ll tell you mine, and we’ll wish each other well. We’ll add the words together, as we’re building something grand. Language is the gift that helps us all to understand.

Let's fill up the tank and pile in the van When the moon is high in the sky. With a big chunk of cavorite under the hood, You'll believe that a van can fly. We're all buckled in so we know we'll be safe As the big red van starts to rise, ‘Cause there's nothing quite like spending your Saturday night On a family drive through the skies. (Chorus) We're goin' to the moon in my red minivan. I've packed some milk and cookies and some strawberry jam. With Baby and Mommy and Winnie the Pooh, So come along and join us ‘cause there's just room for you. We're goin' to the moon in my red minivan. I know we're gonna make it – Katie told me we can! Roll the windows up, ‘cause we're gettin' so high And it's better when the air is inside. And Daddy's got the pedal pressed down to the floor, So it's gonna be a heckuva ride. We'll cruise for a minute in zero-G, Plucking M & Ms from the air. And the man in the moon is smilin' tonight, ‘Cause in just a half an hour we'll be there. (Bridge) And the lights in the sky are brighter Than they were before we started to fly. And we count the stars through the windows As we watch the constellations roll by. It's a beautiful night to go cruising With the family all aboard for a trip. And if Katie says it's true then I've gotta believe That a minivan is gonna be a rocket ship. We're gonna kick up the dust at Tranquility Base As our red lunar rover rolls by. And there's a big blue marble hanging high overhead That's the prettiest thing in the sky. We'll blow a big bubble and fill it with air So we can wander round safe in our dome And we'll build sand castles by the light of the Earth ‘Till it's time to pack up and go home (Chorus to coda) I know we're gonna make it – Katie told me we can! I know we're gonna make it – Katie told me we can!

Stuff! We have surely got enough. That box could vanish in a puff And we would still have too much stuff. You know this thing is dandy Or just might come in handy. I'll thank you not to give me that guff! There's too much stuff. This closet's full of boxes, that closet's full of clothes That might fit someone someday, but when God only knows. The cars are in the driveway – the garage has overflowed. The shelving in the pantry has collapsed beneath the load. The cupboard's full of board games and of statements from the bank The counter's full of canned goods and there's just one thing to thank. You're always buying movies we've never time to play. Drop papers on the table and that's where they will stay. Now here's a box of badges from the cons that you've been at, Three broken VCRs and one old obsolete ADAT. Things keep accumulating despite my dirty looks Like those eighty-seven boxes of once-read comic books. It's creeping from the closet, it's crawling cross the floor – The fabric that you bought sometime in 1984. I fear that I might die in a stuffed animal attack Or crushed beneath the boxes on a shelf of bric-a-brac. On every surface in the house, things seem to multiply. I shovel patterns off the desk and sound the battle cry. Our stuff has taken over – there's no room left to live. Let's make a pile of stuff to keep and stuff that we can give. But that's a gift you gave to me and this thing is so dear And soon the pile that was to leave's the pile that's staying here. Our stuff has won the battle – it's filling every room And though we thought it bad before, we're facing certain doom. Babies have so many things and toddlers even more. It seems that every toy they have is scattered on the floor. Computer chips within them taught them how to sing and dance. We'd like to save our sanity but we don't have a chance.

When your work is a bore And you walk out that door And your mood is a dark shade of gray And you're hoping to find Somewhere deep in your mind A little something better today, Just let go your cares As you walk up the stairs ‘Cause you know that you've got something to say. Open the case In your favorite place And grab your guitar and just play. (Chorus) Just play And send all your worries away. It's really been a hell of a day, But the music's gonna make it ok. So turn on the light ‘Cause we're playing all night In a fine improvisational way. Let go your fears And clean out your ears And grab your guitar and just play. So you're playing around And you find a new sound In the music that you heard long before. So you're tweaking it here, Rearranging it there, And pretty soon you've got a new score. Yeah, you've got something new And you're feeling less blue In a positive, creationist way. Now you're writing your tune By the light of the moon As you grab your guitar and just play. Now you're looking for words In the music you've heard And you see the story starting to form. She's just one lonely spark Left alone in the dark And she only wants to find some place warm. And she might have a chance And she might find romance In the new place where she's going to stay. Yeah, it might take a while, But you'll end with a smile When you grab your guitar and just play. (Chorus twice to coda) And grab your guitar ‘Cause we're going so far From the place where we are. Set your eye on a star And just play.

I want to look into your eyes And promise I won’t tell you lies Like every other humbug wizard passing through the fair. And hope that you might take a chance On understated elegance, A conveyance of my own design to take us anywhere. Come fly with me through space and time. I’ll conjure up a bit of rhyme And maybe summon up a tune To sing as we sail past the moon. As we’re sitting sharing dreams, Reality’s not what it seems. My balloon can carry two. Come fly with me so I can fly with you. Beneath the canopy unfurled, We’ll drift between the different worlds Where nothing is impossible that hasn’t happened yet. And hope that it is not amiss If I lean over for a kiss That I’ve held in abeyance since the moment that we met. Come fly with me through time and space. I’ll conjure up some better place And summon up your heart’s desire As we sail safe past lakes of fire. From here to there and back again, We’re sailing off to anywhen. My balloon can carry two. Come fly with me so I can fly with you. (Bridge) I’m not like any other wizard that you might have seen, For I have learned my lessons in a land of emerald green. And though I once was humbug, I am better than I was And I have learned to do the things an honest wizard does. I hope that you might venture soon To take a ride in my balloon. I’ll cast away the moorings and we’ll sail into the sky. And I will promise this to you: My wizard’s word is finally true, ‘Cause even an old humbug can someday learn to fly. Come fly with me to anywhere. I’ll conjure anything you dare And summon up some worthy cause For us to journey back to Oz, Where reality’s another scene All colored up in emerald green. My balloon can carry two. Come fly with me so I can fly with you. Come fly with me so I can fly with you.

Our family owns a cargo ship that flies among the stars. It may not look like much to you, but we’re all glad it’s ours. The two of us and our two girls Are haulin’ freight to alien worlds And everywhere that we are bound, There’s one thing keeps us going round. (Chorus) I’m stuck on you. I’m stuck on you. I’m stuck on you. I’m stuck on you. Whatever time and space throws at us, one thing is always true: As we fly across the galaxy, I’m glad that it’s with you. In any sticky situation, I am stuck on you. Even out among the planets, little girls must go to school And our Teacher-Bot 3000S keeps learning kind of cool. They’ve learned all sorts of wondrous things About reading, math, and Saturn’s rings. And just before the last exam, Katie learned to hack the bot’s program. This is what you get for telling her about the Kobayashi Maru. I didn’t expect that she’d take Captain Kirk as a role model. Why not? You did! Our girls have friends they play with on the subspace ethernet And they’re all good at hologames I haven’t mastered yet. I swear these things are nearly real With holograms that you can feel. One left the game and came shipboard And I met an Evil Overlord. How did you manage to get tied up by a hologram in the first place? He was remarkably solid for a hologram. Sigh. Could you just untie me? Sure. But what are we going to do about the Evil Overlord? Well, he told me his whole plan. I figure Julie should be able to find the flaws in about five minutes. I swear, she’s going to run the galaxy some day. And not in a good way... Our girls like to leap and dance, but they really hate to fall And a cargo hold at zero-g means they needn’t fall at all. At least until containers burst. The Martian broccoli was first. And as it floated there bright red, Maple syrup leaked from overhead. This is the worst stickiest mess I’ve ever seen. That’s because you never changed diapers. I suppose we’re going to have to scrape the girls off the wall. Yes, we are. After a nice quiet dinner. I’m good with that. Katie, Julie, half-hour timeout. (Chorus twice) I am stuck on you.

When I was a child, I made my way to school And found the ways of children to be terrible and cruel. Since I was different, they chose me for the one – The subject of their pleasure, to torment just for fun. When I was older, I found new books to read – Of sorcerers and heroes, of wondrous words and deeds. Dick and Jane and little Spot were quickly cast aside As I dwelled in the fantasy of a magic carpet ride. (Chorus) And I dream of stars, and rockets spitting fire. I dream of fairies and hobbits in the Shire. And pray for a wind that blows from Rainbow's End To carry me away where I won't have to pretend. And from the worlds I read of, I forged a mighty shield – A gleaming wall of armor for the schoolyard battlefield. And all the other children, they left me now alone, For none of them could follow to the place where I had gone. (Chorus) Now I am much older and school is far behind, But still I am encircled by the walls within my mind. And though they once kept others out, they've trapped me now within, And I know I can't escape them – I don't know how to begin. (Chorus)

Christmas time is coming and we really need a tree. We can cut one in Wisconsin. You can do that without me. So I set out in my Sable on a simple quest to find The perfect tree I pictured in my mind. I can get the bells and bulbs and balls unpacked So then I’ll have it ready when he’s back. I can’t wait to see her face when I arrive. And I watched a Christmas tree pull in the drive. Is that going to fit through the door? It looked smaller in the woods. Didn’t you notice it was bigger than the car you strapped it to? And I shall call it Treezilla. And did you get a stand for Treezilla? Oops. (Chorus) You were right and I was wrong. And there is nothing I can do except admit it in my song. ‘Cause you were right – I made a mess. You know I thought I had the answers but I got it wrong I guess. ‘Cause you were right – as right as rain And I guess I should apologize for thinking you insane When you were right. I set out on the highway with no plan. No need to ask directions. You’re a man. We’ll find a place to stay on down the line. You’re sure that everything will work out fine. But when I go in asking for a room, I discover that you’ve led us to our doom. So tell me, how was I supposed to guess That every room was booked by a music fest? It seems there’s a major country music festival in southeastern Ohio that booked every room for a hundred miles in all directions. Now, who could have predicted that? Triple A? (Chorus) We need to cook this bag of frozen fries. If we bake them in the oven, I’ll despise Their soft and mealy texture. We should fry them in deep fat. But I never learned the way of doing that. You know, this bag of fries is kinda old. They’re covered up in ice and really cold. I may have let the oil become too hot, This whole bag of fries will cool it down a lot. And was there supposed to be a pillar of flame reaching to the ceiling? I think I may have volatilized some of the oil. You almost volatilized my kitchen! But the fries are going to be nice and crisp! Oh, good. (Chorus) Tonight I’ve got a meeting. I need tires for the car. I can get them at the warehouse club – it isn’t very far. I’ve got time to do some shopping – I can take a book to read. Well, then pick up anything you think we need. Like towels or toilet paper or some soap. I didn’t see your eyes light up with hope. So you came from the meeting and you found I’d wired the living room up for surround. Who told you that you could get surround speakers? You said get anything I thought we needed. And we need surround sound? Well, just think of it. We’ll be watching the Lord of the Rings Extended Edition and you’ll be able to hear old Shelob sneaking right up behind you. Oh, that’s exactly what I need. That’s what I thought. (Alternate chorus) I was right and you were wrong. And there is nothing I can do except remind you in my song, ‘Cause I was right – you should have guessed. You know you thought you had the answers, but you found that I knew best, ‘Cause I was right – as right as rain. And you know you should apologize for thinking me insane When I was right. I should apologize for thinking you're insane? That's right. Ok. I'm sorry you're a crazy person. Well, I'm glad we got that straightened out.